EPL roundup -- Chelsea is king

I've mentioned how the Blues are my horse to win the EPL race many times. Taking all three points in a big match-up against Manchester United will help.

Of course Sir Alex said he has no faith in officiating after the match. Surprise, surprise. Do reporters need to ask him about anything else anymore?

In other action, it was nice to see Clint Dempsey earn a PK and convert the equalizer for Fulham. He's stepped up this season.

Portsmouth lost again. Arsenal rolled again (and jumped up to a tie for second with United, with a game in hand). And Manchester City tied against flippin' Burnley. Idle Liverpool is seventh in the table.

Yeesh.

Now the results:

Sunday
Hull City 2-1 Stoke City (A: 24,516)
West Ham United 1-2 Everton (A: 32,466)
Wigan 1-1 Fulham (A: 16,172)
Chelsea 1-0 Manchester Utd (A: 41,836)

Saturday
Aston Villa 5-1 Bolton (A: 38,101)
Blackburn 3-1 Portsmouth (A: 23,110)
Manchester City 3-3 Burnley (A: 47,205)
Tottenham 2-0 Sunderland (A: 35,955)
Wolves 1-4 Arsenal (A: 28,937)

Wednesday
West Ham 2-1 Aston Villa (A: 30,024)

VIDEO: Drogba takes a boot to the chest

Then he fake convulses (or so it appears).

Later on United defender Nemanja Vidic finds it hilarious.

I did too.

MLS playoffs: the final four

Seattle Sounders FC v. Houston Dynamo

As Kevin Calabro might say, the magic-carpet ride is over. The inaugural season for the Sounders FC is over after an overtime strike by Brian Ching gave the Dynamo a 1-0 aggregate win.

Can't say Seattle didn't turn heads in their first year. A U.S. Open Cup trophy and a postseason berth are legitimate accomplishments. In the end, the veterans got it done, putting away one chance, and it was enough.

We'll see what changes are made in the offseason.

Los Angeles Galaxy v. Chivas USA

The L.A. derby was tied 2-2 after the first leg, and a Landon Donovan-penalty kick was all the Galaxy needed to advance in the second.

Mike Magee earned the spot kick after shrugging off a tackle, then a second later changed his mind and crumpled to the turf. Looked girly and won't do the sport any favors for the non-believers.

The Western Conference final might as well be the final in my mind. I wouldn't mind a reseeding process, come to think of it.

Chicago Fire v. New England Revolution

Trailing 2-1 after the first leg, the Fire got the 2-0 win at home to advance to the Eastern Conference final against Real Salt Lake.

John Thorrington tied the aggregate series with a goal in the 35th minute, but the soon-to-be-departed Cuauhtemoc Blanco was the hero Saturday with an 83rd minute strike.

I just hope Chicago wins in the next round, otherwise it could be a pathetic final. And I might not be able to scalp my MLS Cup tickets for anything.

VIDEO: Holy groin kick

That's serious stuff. It was so bad the assailant was down in agony.

I almost hit the floor after watching this one.

VIDEO: Hilarious Q&A with Phil Neville

Good stuff. 101 Great Goals gets the credit for this one.

VIDEO: Mascot sabotage

Those guys should have each other's back, but it's always better when they don't.

That crossbar challenge attempt was awful too.

VIDEO: Lego foosball

This is awesome. Seen over at the even more awesome The Original Winger.

Dirtiest soccer player ever

Elizabeth Lambert. Plays of the University of New Mexico.

She's brutal. Worse than Cantona or Gattuso or Materazzi or anyone you can think of.

Check out the highlights from SportsCenter.

Then check out some links:

• MLS Defender of the Year: Chad Marshall. [MLSnet]
  
• Soft drink to sponsor Columbia soccer. [Reuters]
  
• Kroenke nearing Arsenal takeover. [BBC]
  
• Chelsea selling Stamford Bridge naming rights. [SkySports]
  
• Having good times in Australia: Robbie Fowler. [USA Today]
  
• Fans paint threats onto players' cars. [Yahoo!]
  
• 40,000 bid farewell to Juan Pablo Sorin. [SI]
  
• Is Spain's dominance is Europe over? [The Offside]
  
• Kenwyne Jones' wallet is a little lighter. [UK Press]
  
• Arsenal offense better than Invincibles? [The Spoiler]
  
• Surgery for Gerrard and Torres? [Soccer by Ives]
  
• FIFA VP rips FA over handbag. [WorldSoccer]
  
• Bruce Wayne Rooney. Hilarious. [Studs Up]

VIDEO: Rio rocks the mic

Wow. Some dudes have no shame.

Friday's transfer talk

End of the week goodies:

• Aguero flattered by Chelsea link.
  
• More MLS dudes to go on loan?
  
• Joe Cole talking contract extension.
  
• Tottenham and Ruud?
  
• Rooney to Real? Never gonna happen. He's United for life.
  
• Relief for Bruce Arena at the end of the Beckham saga.

Groovy.

VIDEO: My ball, hands off

Dude gets ahold of the ball and he's not giving it up.

Friday's fabulous photography

1. 'Katy Perry & West Ham' -- via Daily Mail

2. 'Wolves freezes its own' -- via Dirty Tackle

3. 'A bloody mess' -- via Kickette

4. 'Vermaelen the Green' -- via Guardian's gallery

5. 'Montana's frozen tundra' -- via The Original Winger

6. 'Getting graspy' -- via ONTD

7. 'Freezing Barca ninjas' -- via Unprofessional Foul

VIDEO: Girls sell shinguards

Not a bad advertising strategy. Not bad at all.

Dude calls van der Sar a bad teammate

Tomasz Kuszczak (left) is a reserve goalkeeper for Manchester United.

Recently he made all the headlines for calling the Old Trafford No. 1 'keeper Edwin van der Sar (right) selfish, damn selfish. It's creating a bit of a controversy in England, and I'm pretty sure it's because Kuszczak needed to try to find a way to become relevant.

"To be honest, I must say this and Edwin doesn't like this too much for sure, but he doesn't help me too much. I have told him a few times already to give me some more advice because he's got more experience and got many more games under his belt.

"I say, 'You have to give me something more' because I like to know what I do wrong and like to watch other people. Doing that I can take some good from the advice I get. But I don't know, maybe Edwin doesn't like me. You'll have to ask him.''

How much longer until Kuszczak gets cut. Not sure, but the countdown is definitely on.

Reserves have to know their place.

VIDEO: Wayne's got skill

The new daddy's also got a killer first-touch.

Europa League roundup

I don't care much for the JV competition in Europe. But here are the raw scores in case you have any interest.

Anderlecht 3-1 FC Timisoara
Dinamo Zagreb 0-2 Ajax Amsterdam
Genoa 3-2 Lille
Slavia Prague 2-2 Valencia
Hamburg SV 0-0 Celtic
Rapid Vienna 0-3 Hapoel Tel-Aviv
Heerenveen 2-3 Hertha Berlin
Sporting Lisbon 1-1 FK Ventspils
AS Roma 2-1 Fulham
FC Basel 3-1 CSKA Sofia
Dinamo Bucuresti 0-3 Galatasaray
SK Sturm Graz 0-1 Panathinaikos
Levski Sofia 0-1 SV Salzburg
Villarreal 4-1 Lazio
Fenerbahce 3-1 Steaua Bucuresti
Twente Enschede 2-1 Sheriff Tiraspol
AEK Athens 2-2 BATE Borisov
Everton 0-2 Benfica
Partizan Belgrade 2-4 Club Brugge
Toulouse 0-2 Shakhtar Donetsk
CFR Cluj-Napoca 2-3 Sparta Prague
FC Copenhagen 1-1 PSV Eindhoven
CD Nacional de Madeira 1-1 Athletic Bilbao
Werder Bremen 2-0 Austria Vienna

Fun stuff.

VIDEO: ESPN talks MLS playoffs

And with one shot from his slingshot...

Real Salt Lake slew the mighty Columbus Crew.

Wow.

The last team into the playoff field (a team with a losing record, mind you) eliminates the defending champs. How does this happen?

Easy, you don't play Guillermo Barros Schellotto one of the games. That's how.

Wow.

I still can't believe it. Real Salt Lake won two straight games against the league's best team. Real Salt Lake scored three straight goals on the road. Real Salt Lake beat Columbus 4-2 on aggregate?

No chance.

Doesn't this just shake things up in the MLS playoff field...?

Wow.

VIDEO: Sven does Kleenex ad

This kind of makes up for the lack of Special1 TV...

VIDEO: Chicago Fire dudes and fans

Seen over at The Offside Rules.